Home Invasion by Derelict Teenager Ends Violently
Story by Mavrik Menalus
A suburban break‑in turns surreal when the intruder treats a private residence like an all-day buffet and a sleepover at a friend’s house. A cautionary tale for our age of entitlement and Gen Z’ers.
Late last night in a Chicago suburb a 17‑year‑old female, identity withheld, entered the Tudor home of Lewis Anthony Bare through a first‑floor rear window. Officers report the intruder sampled the refrigerator, reheated a partially eaten smoked ham, then settled on several microwavable dinners.
After watching television and leaving large amounts of food debris throughout the house, including on a very expensive plush, leather settee, she explored the upstairs bedrooms and fell asleep under blankets on the youngest child’s loft bed. Mr Bare returned with his family, wife Mumme and 6-year-old son, Bae at 9:45 p.m. and discovered the catastrophic scene. His son’s screams brought the father upstairs, where a melee ended with the startled intruder tumbling down the stairwell and fracturing her leg.
Paramedics transported the teen to a nearby hospital where she will be treated further for her injuries and tested for cannabis usage. Afterward, she is expected to face charges for juvenile trespass, breaking and entering and perhaps illegal drug use depending on her test results.
“I’ll invest in a security system, perhaps a guard dog and maybe we’ll keep fewer teen sacks in the house,” Mr Bare told reporters before retreating back inside his home with his family. Meanwhile, the defiant teen was overheard making a threat to the family as she was being carted off in the ambulance stating, “I’ll get you mother-f*ckers for this, just you wait!”.

Modern fairy tales don’t just have morals-they can have real-world legal consequences.
Just a little light humor for a world that seems to have lost whatever humor it had as well as common sense.

Adiuva me vertrem figuram mundi



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