Twas the night before Christmas
Yeah, I heard it all before
When all throughout the land
Stirred the pundits and politicians with their soundbites in hand
Their supporters cheered with eyes bulging from their sockets
As they carefully worked the crowds picking cash from their pockets
There was Trump, Cruz, Rubio, Carson – no Keyes
While Democrats touted Hillary….and that’s all to be mentioned of the donkeys
I tried to block it all out – all the clamor, all the chatter
But I could not slumber due to the water in my bladder
When suddenly outside there was heard such a clatter
I bolted from the toilet to see what was the matter
As more rumblings sounded I got a twinge in my neck
So I grabbed my Nine Mil that I waited for with the appropriate background check 🙂
As I pierced through the peephole beneath the moon’s glow
were eight large St. Bernard dogs pulling a 1980 Ford Pinto
I shook with fear, was so unbelievably frightened
A knock at the door left my underwear stained, less whitened
Who is it, I asked. I’m packing much heat!
“Please relax your trigger finger!” said he. “I’m carrying some treats.”
I spied once again to assess the situation
Outside stood a jolly old man in a Santa’s suit that seemed regulation
Please open the door he said, it’s cold out tonight
I thought to myself this doesn’t seem quite right
But the bag he carried could contain a big score
What the heck I pondered then opened the door
This is very nice of you he said as he casually stepped in
“Cut the smalltalk fatman and let the gift-giving begin
Have you been good this year asked he while staring at my gun
Absolutely I said Santa with a smile as bright as the sun
He seemed hesitant to believe me though he appreciated my wit
while glaring down the barrel of Lucy he wondered if I had a permit
I purchased her honestly I begged him to trust
Verify this with the gun shop or the government if you must
Ok, Ok you’re alright with me
“Really Santa!” I stated with glee
He said, “I must be going now as those dogs are getting quite ancy.”
I have something for you though its not very fancy
I said I’ll take what you got as he pulled the gifts from his sack
Then rushed he back to his Pinto and dogs before they got jacked
As I watched that jolly old man leave my sight
I thought how I enjoyed his company with delight
But weighing his visit from the left or the right
I’d rather be watching that KID………
Dy-no-mite!
lifemeaning4u - Mavrik 